Living a Values-Driven Life: The Key to Self-Transformation
Imagine this: You’re planning a vacation, and your goal is to visit Bali. You’ve booked your tickets, pictured yourself strolling through the rice paddies, and created a list of must-visit spots. But at the last minute, your plans fall through. Suddenly, you can’t go to Bali.
Disappointment sets in because your goal—visiting Bali—was left unfulfilled. All your expectations were tied to that specific destination, making the change of plans feel like a loss.
Now, let’s reframe this through the lens of values. What if, instead of focusing solely on the goal of Bali, your intention was to embrace new experiences and explore? That’s your value: exploration. While Bali might have been one way to honor that value, it wasn’t the only way.
When the plans change, you might still feel a twinge of disappointment, but it doesn’t derail you. Why? Because your value—exploration—remains intact. You adapt, finding other ways to live out that value. Maybe you visit a nearby town, try a new cuisine, or explore an unfamiliar part of your city. The destination changes, but your value keeps you grounded, giving you the flexibility to find meaning in new opportunities.
Uncovering Values
In my therapy work, I often use Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which highlights that personal values are about being, not just achieving. Values are the qualities we bring into our actions—they guide how we show up in life, no matter the circumstances.
Let’s explore this concept by reflecting on one area of life: relationships. Relationships take many forms—friendships, family, romance, and even the relationship you have with yourself. To get started, gently ask yourself:
How do I want to show up in my relationships?
What are the qualities that matter most to me in these relationships?
What can I do to bring my relationships closer to the qualities I value?
What would my relationships look like if they were guided by my values, rather than fleeting emotions or impulses?
Take your time in answering these questions. Notice the patterns that emerge. Your values might point toward qualities like kindness, honesty, presence, or support. These are the threads that weave meaning into your relationships, helping them grow deeper and more fulfilling.
This same reflection can be applied to other areas of your life—your career, personal growth, health, or leisure. By getting curious about what truly matters to you, you begin uncovering the core values that shape your life.
Values and Self-Transformation
Have you ever achieved a long list of goals, only to feel a lingering sense of emptiness? Perhaps you’ve caught yourself wondering, What am I really doing? What am I looking for? From the outside, life might look polished and put together, but inside, there’s still a void you’re trying to fill.
If you’ve ever felt this way, it’s okay. It’s often the first step toward something deeper: discovering the values that have been quietly guiding you all along.
Values go beyond goals or societal expectations. They’re uniquely yours, reflecting the reasons behind what you do. The challenge is that we often absorb these values unconsciously as we navigate life, so we may not always recognize them. A helpful starting point is to ask yourself: Why did I choose to do that? What was important to me at that moment?
Once you clarify your values, they become a compass—a steady guide that helps you align your actions with what truly matters to you. Instead of asking what should I do? you might begin asking: What actions will bring me closer to living my values?
This shift can be transformative. Values give you a sense of purpose and clarity, anchoring you even when life throws unexpected challenges your way.
As a mental health therapist, I’ve seen how connecting with values fosters psychological flexibility. When people are grounded in their values, they’re less swayed by external circumstances. They adapt with clarity and resilience, finding their way forward no matter the situation.
The Self-Reflection Journal by The Self Hug
Discovering and living by your values is a deeply personal journey. It’s about connecting with the essence of who you are and using that as your guide. The process may take time, but the clarity and sense of fulfillment it brings are well worth the effort.
One way to make this process more intentional is by using The Self-Reflection Journal. Think of it as a safe space where your thoughts, feelings, and reflections can unfold. Journaling helps you uncover patterns, clarify what truly matters, and connect with your values on a deeper level.
So, take a moment to reflect on your values. Ask yourself: What truly matters to me? Write it down, explore it further, and let your answers become the compass that leads you toward a more meaningful and grounded life.
About Our Author
Yanitrasari Widyastuti is a mental health therapist and wellness consultant with a background in psychology and counseling, dedicated to empowering others on their journey to well-being. She believes in the power of empathy to inspire self-discovery and growth. Based in Jakarta, Indonesia, she begins her day with a morning walk to her favorite spot for coffee, embracing small rituals that ground her in the present.
